As a counselor, I have noticed that in general people are lacking in communication skills. This is a major problem because good communication is foundational for a healthy relationship. So I've decided to share some communication skills I have learned along the way. Hopefully we will all begin actively using these skills. It's my goal to not just be a hearer of good advice, but a doer as well.
1.) A good listener helps the other feel accepted and understood by doing the following:
*Deciding that the other person's words are important and valid and that listening is a commitment you make to your relationship.
*Removing as many distractions as possible from your conversations (Computer, Internet, phone, ipod, tv, poor eye contact, multi-tasking, etc)
*Waiting until the other person has finished talking before responding
*Not "analyzing" what the other person is saying or planning ahead what you will say
2.) A good responder makes effective self-expression statements by doing the following:
*Begin statements with "I"- this takes responsibility of emotions
*Make statements and avoid questions
*When you need to ask a questions, make an "I statement" first. Ex: "I am not sure what you mean. Could you tell me more?"
*Questions should begin with "How" rather than "Why"(it is accusatory). Ex: "How did it happen that you are late tonight?
*Make statements as straightforward and honest as possible, using few words.
3.)Contructive requests are made openly and directly. Remember:
*It is helpful to ask, rather than assume that someone knows what you want.
*Avoid making your request when your listener is busy or preoccupied.
4.)Feedback is information that reduces uncertainty. Give and ask for feedback often. Remember:
*Begin with "I"
*Refer to specific behavior. "I felt good that you called to tell me that you were going to be late." or "I would like for you to call me if you are going to be late."
*Ask for verification. "Do you understand?"
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