Musings of a PK

God brought it to my attention again today just how many pastors kids and wives are hurting. The unfortunate thing is that many feel completely alone, yet often surrounded by church members. They feel like they have no one to talk to that truly understands. So sealing up your glass house and hunkering down seems like the best option. However, this course of action leads to loneliness, depression, fear, bitterness, and anger. And anyone will tell you that those are not appropriate emotions for the pastors family. So go ahead and heap on good helping of guilt to sit with the other inappropriate feelings. But all of this must be kept quiet, because on Sunday, you have to put on your best smile and pretend to be the happiest person in the room. Alone. Can you imagine what this would be like for a grown woman...much less a child???  Some might ask...well why do pastors wives and children feel so alone...don't they know we love them?  Well I'm glad you asked... 1. Almost all pastors families have been burned by a church member or an entire church at some point in their lives. Once burned...your natural reaction is to keep at a distance that which burned you. 2. Almost all pastors family have been shunned or made to feel like an outcast at some point..."Shhh don't say that the pastor's wife (or kid) is here...Sorry Pastor's Wife (or kid) didn't mean to let that word slip...Don't invite them, they'll make everyone feel uncomfortable at the party" 3. Pastors families tend to live in a glass house, some more see through than others. That kind of magnification on everyday life would make anyone feel all alone in a spot light. 4. Pastors families tend to have an innate desire to protect their dad (or spouse). They don't want to open up and vent to someone and give them the wrong impression. Church members view their pastor as the pastor. The pastors family sees him as dad and spouse. We all know dads and spouses mess up from time to time and sometimes you just need to vent. However, that venting about dad or spouse may change the church members view of their pastor. So the family protects their dad or spouse and keeps quiet.    I'm sure there are more I can add to the list, but I think you can see why a pastors family may feel alone. Even the pastors families that are lucky enough to be apart of a great congregation still feel alone at times. It just goes with the shoes you have to wear. Every pastor's wife and pk's adventure is different but we all share a special bond. My heart is with pks because I've walked those shoes. I'm now grown and married, but I'll always be a pk. I'd love to hear from other pks and go on this adventure together!

Pastor's Kid (PK) Adventure

This post, http://bradmoffatt.wordpress.com/2007/10/25/pastors-kids/#comment-1020, and the replys were a very interesting read. I've been researching help for pastor's kids because I would love to one day have a venue to minister to other pastors kids. If you know a pastor's kid please take a minute to pray for them.


I have an incredible dad who happens to be a pastor. I love my dad very much and think the world of him. I think he would be the first to tell you that life in a pastor's home is not always easy. Nor is it ever perfect. I think it is safe to say that my dad definitely had to learn how to balance ministry and family. He didn't always get it right, but what parent does? I think the underlying issue that pk's struggle with is that their parent isn't just absent because of work, but to the kid...the parent is absent because of God. When you start meshing the spiritual into the parents career...it can get sticky. As I've gotten older, I've realized that the pressure surrounding me as a pk was not at all because my dad put it there, but because of the stigma and standard that comes along with being a pastors family. I've always felt a strong need to protect my parents from any hurt or wrongdoing from me or anyone else, sometimes at the expense of my own sanity. I'm sure my parents would say even now that I could talk to them about anything, but more often than not, my need to protect them keeps my mouth shut. Another pressure sometimes unknowingly placed on me as a pk, is a desire to be perfect. And when I fall short, the fall seems that much harder. Everyone's watching. I'm sure my sibilings would agree that living in a glass house is not fun. And sometimes you just want to be like everyone else. No pressure to be the most Godly person in the room. This is how pk's get a bad rap. They just want to know what it feels like to be bad. I know that sounds funny...but to a pk...we get it.  So for me, I have to say that most of my struggle as a pastor's kid has not been because of my dad, but because of the stigma placed by the world and church alike. There was one church that my family was at that really hurt me. It took me a long time to get over it. In fact, there are still places in my heart that are tender to that hurt. However, the church that my dad is currently at has overall been a huge blessing. Sure the pressure was there....but for the most part I have felt nothing but loved.   One thing I've always found interesting is that whenever me and my siblings  bring friends over, they are always suprised at how down to earth my dad is but yet always aware of the "elephant" in the room, so to speak. Pastor, wife, kids, and church....it's an interesting dynamic. One that isn't easily explained. I'm working on being more candid in talking about my life as a pk because I would love to help those in similar shoes. So I'll welcome any questions. It'll be a pk adventure!